Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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