Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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