I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
