so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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