I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
