I will die if light touches me.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize