Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
