Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
