I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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