I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
