Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize