This is not my ceiling
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
