Who did Billy Mays play for?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
