last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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