I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
