But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
