my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
