i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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