fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
