I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
