I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize