So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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