Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
whose parrot is this?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
