Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
