I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize