Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
