It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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