I think I won the penis lottery.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
