He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
