this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
