Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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