i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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