that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
