I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
