Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just found puke in my bra..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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