If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
