I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
