I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize