You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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