I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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