If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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