my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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