I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
