she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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