I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
