Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
