Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
