he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize