if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
