You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
