i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Do vagina's smell?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Houston, we have a blender
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
