sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We got so high we made milksteak
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
