I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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