Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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