My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize