Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(204): View more from Manitoba

i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..

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(406): View more from Montana

I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.

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(228): View more from Mississippi

I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"

(601): View more from Mississippi

God bless us, everyone.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.

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(802): View more from Vermont

All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.

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