My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
