so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
