you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
