if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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