it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
