I will die if light touches me.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
