woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
