My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize