Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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