You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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