hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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