i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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