I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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