I faked an abortion last night.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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