maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
