I'm going to rape someone's good day.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
