im drinking this country out of the recession.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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