i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
