Plan B is the new Plan A
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
