i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
