I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i think my mom watched the whole time
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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