"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
