she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
