i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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