im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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