if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
