So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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