he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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