I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
