Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
