so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
