I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
