he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
