But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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